Annoying, Irritating Vipassana -

Hi Folks -

How are you?!
Hope you are doing better than me.

I'm annoyed with Vipassana.
Irritated.

Vipassana is bothersome, discomfiting, exasperating, galling, hard to take, inconvenient, mortifying, rubbing the wrong way, sharp, unpalatable, vexatious -

You know, even the Thesaurus has run out of words.

There are times when one wants to be mollycoddled , excused unconditionally, forgiven lovingly, one's mistakes pushed under the carpet and never spoken of -
Oh, I could go on.

This doesn't let you do it.
Not for long.

It does an inside job.
So it goes with you wherever you go.

You just know what you have done and why.
What you really are and why.

Vipassana simply holds a mirror.
The clearest and most uncompromising one.

The self - created blinkers, the lovingly, painstakingly made up and firmly established image of our wonderful, sacrificing self -
It just melts in the reflection.

And we stand naked.
See ourselves as we really are.

Ouch !
That can't be me?!

But I'm so, so -
No?
I'm not?

Go away !

Though there is one satisfaction -
I'm not the only one !

Almost everybody gets mighty put off in the first 3- 4  days of their first 10 - day course.
Some subsequent ones too.

We aren't used to such mirrors.
Give me the nice cosmetic ones any day.

This one cracks our protective layers to show us as we truly are.
Thank heavens no one else sees or hears us - bless the Noble Silence!

After endless eons - , a night or two or a few hours later, actually, we discover that our point of view has changed and so has the reflection.

We have become more powerful from inside, still taking tentative steps, but not as ashamed or upset as before.
Now there is more wonder at this stranger who is looking back at us.

Who's this, ordering the mind to go here or there ?
Me?
And it is obeying too!

And I am feeling less of a puppet now, more powerful from inside -

We watch the breath, the sensations on the body objectively as the course carries on, they teach you how to ,  and realize that there is a conscious and continuous process of getting rid of unwanted baggage.

And that we are doing it on our own.
There's nobody taking pity on our sad state and picking us, dusting us and directing us to heaven.
Or Nirvana.

It is still very attractive to really and truly believe that all the bad things happening to us are because of our unloving parents / difficult childhood / bad marriage / very bad spouse / terrible boss / someone's evil intentions / unfavourable stars / God testing or punishing us / ill luck / destiny / fate or just karma -

But now there is also a realization that this attitude makes me a -
Remember ?

An energy stealer.

A whining Poor - Me.
Or sly / Aloof / anxious Intimidator / Interrogator -

And the mirror that Vipassana holds is making me aware, which is letting me choose to not be any of this and be powerful too.

It is immensely, wonderfully empowering to realize it yourself, that whatever is happening to me is because of me and only me.

I don't like what is happening to me?
I now have the power to think in a detached way.

To look in the clear mirror which Vipassana has made available for all times to come, not merely in the 10 - day course.
And change myself.

I can now consciously choose to be happy.
At peace.

Stop expecting from others and let them be.
So that I can be me.

Hmmnnn -

Maybe I should not blame Vipassana!
Accept that there are times when I am sad / bad / nasty!

Hurry up and do a 10 - day course at the nearest available center.

I am off on a road trip and then to another wonderful place.
Two, actually.

So the next post will be after a month.
I deserve a break after all those grammar charts and new words, don't I?!

Enjoy.
Take care -