Boundaries

Hi Folks!

How are you and how's Life?!

Meditate.

Raise your protective shield.

We have an intriguing topic today.

Boundaries!

In my Past Life Regression sessions,  some issues  keep cropping up  frequently.

One of them is ignorance of boundaries not just in our normal, daily behaviour but also in formulating goals in striving for goodness or the much coveted 'spiritual progress'.

In our routine lives, we develop attachments and dislikes, behave accordingly by clinging to people or avoiding or being rude to them.

Along the way somewhere we realize that others also do the same to us.

That there are many people we like, who do not like us and keep their distance.

Somewhere, we feel bad but we learn, adjust where they are concerned and carry on without changing our own behaviour regarding others.

It is like the story of a group of porcupines I had read in my childhood which has stayed in my mind after so many decades. 

It is very chilly, and they try to keep themselves warm by huddling together.

Only to realise that their sharp quills are causing wounds and pain and bleeding .

So they move far away, but are cold again.

Finally, they learn to adjust themselves carefully, so that they are warm as well as safe.

That goes for our relationships too. If respectful boundaries are  maintained, it is useful and productive for all involved.

The thought that one must give everything of oneself in any relationship empties one quickly and then there is anger, frustration, a feeling of being used, despair and negativity.

It also leads to expecting and demanding that the other person to be as engaged as we are in the relationship. 

This is merely power-play and control done quite overtly, or covertly, cunningly by manipulating emotions.

It would be good to step back a little and examine one's own place in the other person's life according to you and according to them.

Are you using or are you being used?

It will not be a pleasant exercise, but will be good for your own mental health.

In one case, the girl was feeling cheated and used because the man had seemingly nurtured the relationship, they had lived together for 2-3 years, he'd promised marriage, but then he'd gone and married someone else.

She was carrying a lot of anger, hatred, thoughts of revenge and also hope that he will come back to her.

In a past life, she saw herself in a saree, long plaits, flowers, eagerly waiting for her husband to come back from office.

It was their anniversary and after some sweet-talk, he took her to the 8th floor terrace - and pushed her down to her death.

I told her consciousness, which was still looking at her own dead body, and the now dramatically frantic husband in disbelief to find out why he did that.

After a while, she said it is coming from a previous life.

The couple was getting married in a church, very happy and very much in love.

The girl looked at the boy and said I love you so much, I want you as my husband in all our future lives.

He had smiled.

She had stuck to her attachment life her life whereas, he had wanted different experiences with different souls.

In the past life just seen, he had killed her. 

In her current life, he had used her and cheated her.

'He is only trying to get away from me - but I am not letting him go', she said.

There are many such reasons and because of our ignorance and rigid demands, we try to hide-bind another person by enslaving them to us.

All the people who come to us, who we seek out, have past karmic dealings to clear.

Then we are to go our different ways to fulfil other karmic debts and credits with others with whom we have made a contract.

Remember the saying - 'People are in our lives for a reason, for a season or for life'.

A sense of balance, a habit of contemplation goes a long way in finding our path and progressing without harming oneself and others.

There is another category of people who find themselves tied up in knots in their current life because of their intense desire to help people, uplift them from their sorrows and guide them.

Why do such benign intentions get them so many defeats and enemies in every field now?

They don't have a job or respect they think they deserve, nobody listens to their excellent guidance (mostly imposed), people just avoid them or take them lightly.

Most such cases had similar previous lifetimes.

They had had an intense wish to 'serve people. Everyone is so unhappy, I want to advice them, really help them out of their misery'. 

All had left their homes in youth with the thought of 'progressing on the spiritual path' without any experience or expertise in material life and its problems, nor had they done any spiritual practices under any master.

It had ended badly for them.

In one case, the intense desire of 'I want to help. Anyone can come to me. I am there for all, whatever my suffering, my life is for service to all', had attracted spirits in hoards.

Once entered, these energies had stayed for that lifespan, and after death and rebirth, because the desire to help was still so strong, they had entered again. 

And again.

In his current life, in late 30s, this man did not have a stable job or income. He was not married and was in a relationship where he knew he was being emotionally abused but was unable to leave because of his own craving for that person. 

His relationship with his parents with whom he stayed and siblings was cantankerous. 

He had a large friend's circle but very few were there for him in his hour of need, probably because he needed emotional and financial support plus praise all the time.

The spirits agreed that most of the mess was because of their being in him with their own desires and anger and hatred.

But they were surprised when I asked them if they would leave. 

'Why? He is the one who called us, he feels good thinking he is helping us too. He wants to be known as a saintly/godly person and the name, fame, praise and reverence which comes with it'.

This man understood where the seed of his desire to 'teach and guide all people' had brought him now - and in previous lives too.

He had set no boundaries.

To begin with, he had not built a solid foundation under guidance of a master, or gained knowledge by reading and contemplating, or meditating for long periods. 

Had he done so, he would have kept his ego in control and not got carried away by his very worldly desire of being known as a spiritual person.

Boundaries are important. 

It is imperative to maintain a healthy, balanced mind.

Meditating is the most important pathway to attain clarity of mind.